Long time… i returned to my blog, my passion of writing my heart out, sing my heart out, smile my heart out 🙂
It’s been about two years i added a surname to my name or you can call self-christened myself. Those days very very few people added the name Shivanand to their name. After that i read and heard and saw many times the different definitions given for one choosing to add their Guru or lineage’s name. Call it a fancy or a “the thing” going on, i was but sure that whatever reasons one did, that heart must surely be carrying a lot of love.
For me it was not a “one fine morning decision”, it was a very, very personal thing. i had previously also thought many times to add the name of my Guru, but something pulled me back. i would like to share what was that. It was certainly not because i lived in the vicinity of my Guru. I have been around Him for two years before that too.
The path of truth and love and light is not as easy as it’s spelling or pronunciation. Since i time i came in the vicinity of the Siddha master, i have been battered and bruised, because He is fire that burns all unwanted stuff in you. Easier said than done, there were many moments i dangled in thin air undecided. It is not that your karmas say bye bye to you when you walk to your Guru. You carry them with you. The only difference is that you are aware now of its effects. The struggle was on. Struggle of the ego, struggle of the conditionings, struggle of impulsions, and phew… so much. Now where on earth would one even think of a name or sirname at such times. When everything within and without is undergoing a trashing. A trashing of fight between the dark and light. Life can be simple but we choose to make it difficult not because we want it to be difficult but because we feel that being difficult is the easier way out. So when the first heavy round of battles were found between my dark forces and the Guru’s forces of light, i fled. i fled Him. So when you flee from something, how can you even fix that something’s name with your name. But then, that was a part of the game too. And when the sun shone one morning, i realized why my soul was fleeing.
It was because of COMMITMENT. Lack of commitment was the nailed reason. And then i kept looking at all the past reels of my life as a failed student. But in that review, i saw something very beautiful. i saw how He was just what He was. The unconditional love that He preached was not false. Irrespective of what i thought and what i did or what i decided, He had just divine love, light and prayers. There was something very subtle about Him that could never be seen through the physical eyes of His red-robed human embodiment. Whenever i saw that divinity and wanted to exclaim, He would brush it away and act even more human, sometime more brutal. It seemed like He wanted to prove my eyes and logic right. All i could do was stare in confusion. i was thinking that He
was missing opportunities of proving His divinity to a confused student. There were so many times when i witnessed His divinity and for once wanted Him to confirm that for me, and each time, He made it very clearly feel as though nothing had happened. Determined further when i tried to make something out of it in words, He changed the topic or laughed making me feel foolish. i must say, there are enough elements in this world, enough information and enough talks and happenings in this world to create doubts on your path, but here was a Master who was building it Himself for me. He created situations around me that put me into all kinds of questions and doubts, and when i sought mercy towards His compassionate eyes, He gave me all the love but never answered any questions or doubts. Rather at my every such attempt, He Himself created more, sometimes in mysterious ways and sometimes by Himself becoming a stone. But all through this, i never stopped seeing the wonders He did and beautiful mystical things that kept happening. That was when i realized that it is this quality that charmed not just me but millions. The light that shone through everything and took care of everything yet unwilling to explain.
It was in those hours that i knew i had to commit and keep my eyes glued to that light and not to the dark shadows created by that light. i had eluded commitment like a bunking student. To become a doctor you commit to medical schooling and receive the tittle “Dr.” that reminds you all the time of your commitment for the ailing. A military man’s tittle glues him to his responsibility. i had decided by then to add the name of my Guru. For me His name, is a commitment. Not an announcement to the world, not any achievement, not any status, it is a crude reminder of a commitment, not just to the path but to the larger causes too, more towards my own soul agenda. It makes me feel more responsible. It makes me feel more connected. It makes me feel one with the Master. It is never a compulsion for me. It’s beyond the understanding of logic because it rather sounds funny. A Christian name and a so-called non-Christian name. My Master never bothered about my name or beliefs ever, When He has embraced all religions, will He not embrace those who follow it too? If He can embrace it what big is my embracing His name? i belong to a proud lineage of great Masters, whom i have not followed in any blind belief but through my own deep experiences. When i embrace Shivananda i am also embracing Nityananda, Jagannatha, Gorakshnatha, Matseyendranatha, Digambara. Then it doesn’t matter anymore to a doctor whether you tear his qualification certificates or you strip the medals and tittle of an Army man. He will still be a doctor. He will still be a military man. Both in heart and blood.
Shakespeare uncle said it right, “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” So what if i add a tittle of Shivananda or Nityananda or any name, light is light and light is contagious. So my personal choice to link with a name of light that keeps me reminded of my goal.
So, of all the definitions i saw around when people added the name name of their Guru to their name, my heart only smiled because i knew whatever the viewpoint, knowingly or unknowingly the individual had committed to love and light. To a path of light. A commitment of “allowing” to be guided and trained by the Master in every step of life. i see this as a very, very difficult step because you can confront raised eyebrows and all stuff you can’t even imagine. Difficult step because it would make you committed. Then you can’t run. You can’t fake anything because now will be looked upon as a quality of that. Your expectations would be that. It’s like a commitment towards entering a relationship where commitment may still be difficult or indecisive because of the consequences.
For me, adding the name of your Guru or lineage does not necessarily makes one a true Shivananda, but it does make you tread on the path, train yourself, practice, fall and get up and more of all keep going. For me, the name is a motivation. Just like to reach the divine the form is needed in the beginning to reach the formless, the name too is just a beginning of that sacred ritual. It may be shed today or tomorrow or whenever. But that would be on the realization of rose being a rose, when any of the names smell the same way. Divine Love and Light 🙂
Note: i have written this in one go and so there may be grammatical errors or English errors but am nevertheless not bothered to make any corrections as it has come straight from the heart and i wish to keep it that way. Don’t know if the whole thing may be understood or not, but if it does – am glad it served the purpose. Stay blessed 🙂